For Him
by RikuxHeart
Summary: What hurts more? Losing the one you love? Or the process of finding him again? And just how much can it affect the people who love YOU? Multi-POV, Deathfic, Songfic.
1. Transcend

For Him: Transcend

Rating: K+ (o.O I know right? Not M rated? What's wrong with me!)

Pairing:ShuichixYuki

POV: Hiroshi Nakano

A/N: Yeah. I wrote this one while listening to Saddness and sorrow. If you don't like Naruto, you should at least hear this song. It's really sad. Though Yuki has had no real impact on this fic, I still couldn't help think of him and what it would be like if something like this ever happened. We're not going to go there.

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It hurts to tell the truth to the one's you love. Because you know it will hurt them more than it will hurt you. But how do you tell someone that their life partner of seven years... Is gone?

You wonder how they'll react. Will they cry, scream, faint... or die... The latter seemed most appropriate for someone like Shuichi Shindou. The only thing he cared more about than his music, was a lover who, up until now, we never believed was ever there for him.

Now that he was... We all came to the realization that Shuichi was Shuichi because of who Yuk was to him. There was no light or darkness, no good or evil to Shuichi. It was always, only, every Yuki. The man was my best friend's entire world, and now there was nothing left but an empty void that none of us would be able to fill.

It tore my heart in two when he didn't shed a single tear... It spoke volumes of the devastation that took hold of him in a choking grasp, refusing to allow him to breath, think. So we cried for him. All of us. We mourned the loss of not only our band member's lover, but the life said band member no longer felt.

It's been nearly two weeks since Shuichi lost his love to a fatal car crash. Two agonizingly slow weeks his Shuichi gave up on trying to be strong, and just let his misery consume him. I had yet to see him cry or break down in a fit of relentless sobs at the though of never being able to tell the novelist how much he loved him, or hold him in his arms again.

I had no idea what it felt like to lose someone so precious, even still, nothing seemed right about the world anymore. It was as if the carpet had been swept out from beneath all of us, sending us crashing to the floor of reality with no means to pick up all the pieces.

By night I received the phone call, I had no tears left in me. Just the sickening acceptance that everything was going to be okay now. Bad luck was through. The band would embark on a new journey, wrought with joys and perils alike. We would all find happiness, or find death ourselves. The story would continue on for all of us, and we'll look back on the fond memories we shared with our friend and smile.

He might have chosen to end it all, unable to bear the thought of waking up every morning alone and dead inside. But the memories he... the memories they both let behind would remain with us forever. A testimony to the love these two souls shared that transcended, not only life, but death itself.

Thinking back, I wonder if Yuki would have done the same if it had been Shuichi that had died in that crash. Standing here in the cool autumn afternoon gazing at the twin headstones of the most talked about couple in Tokyo, I liked to think so.

Yuki might have been a heartless prick most of the time, but no one would have put up with Shuichi for that many years if love wasn't involved. Shuichi always said the novelist had a softer side. Wherever they were, I hope he was showing it now. I prayed for so many nights after Shuichi passed that Yuki would know the sacrifice Shuichi made to be with him.

With a broken heart that would never fully mend, I left the graveyard that day, tears in my eyes and a prayer in my heart as the words etched into those stones rang through my thoughts.

"For Two Who Loved. They Were Never Meant To Be Apart. Eiri Uesugi 'Yuki' and Shuichi Uesugi. May You Find Peace For Eternity In Each Other's Arms."

Tohma had picked the words carefully. He above all of us, suffered the loss just as equally as Shuichi, but in the end, no doubt remained as to who needed the novelist more.

In the end, we're all pawns in this fucked up world. But Shuichi and Yuki? They were in a world of their own... Nothing could touch what they shared. Not even death. I only wish I could've been there to hold Shuichi and tell him goodbye as he joined his lover in death.

Attending the first funeral broke my heart. Attending the second one damn near killed me. But I knew there was no other way. Shuichi was gone the moment he was told of his lover's passing. At least this way, no one has to suffer anymore.

Today is a day for celebrating. Not the death of two very loved men, but the love they proudly showed for each other in the face of adversity and everything else thrown at them.

I am Hiroshi Nakano, and I'm now a firm believer in love after death. Shuichi wouldn't have it any other way.

OWARI

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No Coments at the end of this one guys. Leave a review if you want my to do another chapter though another POV. I had Tohma in mind, but I'm open for ideas.


	2. I Wasn't Enough

For Him: I Wasn't Enough

Rating: K+ (o.O I know right? Not M rated? What's wrong with me!)

Pairing:ShuichixYuki

POV: Tohma Seguchi

A/N: Yeah. I decided to do another one. There will be two more after this one. I do not own Gravitation or its characters.

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How could this have happened? A disaster of this magnitude has floored all of Japan. Yet they know nothing of my loss. Mika's stopped eating. What am I to do? How can I comfort her when the pain is tearing me apart also... More so.

I think back on the events of that day and my stomach knots to the point I can no longer breath. All I can see in my minds eye is that innocent little boy smiling up at me. He had his whole life ahead of him... Two weeks ago, he still did. Even after all he'd suffered through, he was still the boy I cherished with all my heart... Such a sweet, sweet child.

I stood in the funeral parlor, my hands folded neatly in front of me, though nothing inside me felt whole anymore. I watched the misty, dead of eyes of Eiri's lover with unbridled despair in my own, yet I said nothing. I understood his suffering better than anyone else in the room, and even then, I couldn't reach out.

I wanted desperately for someone, anyone, to blame. The closest I got was turning wet, hate filled eyes towards Shindou. HE was the cause of all this. If Eiri had never dicided to pick him up from NG that day... He would be alive. If they had never met that fateful night, Eiri would have been spared so much...

How could he not shed a single tear? I half expected upon arriving to see Shindou being carted out of the funeral home, a sobbing mess for being bothersome to the rest of the mourners. How dare he stand there, completely numb next to my brother-in-law's closed coffin, unable to speak, hear, do anything but close in on himself like he was the one suffering the most.

After everything that's transpired, I feel lost. I have no one to blame anymore. Everything the was Eiri's is gone from this world. So I've turned the blame on myself. That blame quickly turned to hate. How could I have been so foolish... There was no competing against Shindou's love for Eiri. I realized not long after, that the blame I placed on Shindou at the funeral home that day... It was jealousy.

After all these years, I had nothing more with Eiri than Mika or Tatsuha. Shindou however... He had everything. He changed Eiri in ways I could never imagine, and it hurt. The love I felt for him was trivial compared to what Shindou sacrificed to be with him.

The news of Shindou's passing hit harder than I thought. The pain leveled me. There was nothing... No one to remind me of what I lost now. There was nothing to keep me grounded to the family I adored above my own life.

As Mika and I drifted further apart. I accepted the bitter, loathing man I'd become, embraced it. I wasn't able to take that final step... I was too much of a coward. My company was in ruins, bu I couldn't bring myself to care. I had nothing left to lose. What I was now was a shell of a man with no purpose.

I've heard on several occasions that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. The fools had obviously never felt what it was like to lose such a treasure.

Broken hearted and weary, I visited their graves one last time before I left everything behind. The cold tears I so desperately wanted to shed would not come... The peace I searched and longed for continued to evade me. My life was no longer my own, and I couldn't figure out who I held more responsible, the woman on her cellphone who had hit Eiri's car head on, or both deceased lovers.

Why do they get to escape this misery, but I had to remain and bear witness to it's darkest moments? What cruel god could rip the very foundation of a man's life from him and expect him to carry on? In what world do I belong if I can no longer bear my own.

'Tohma Denounces His Throne'

I can't help but chuckle at the headlines. Once one of the most powerful and influential idols in Tokyo, reduced to that of a helpless beggar, no better than the filth that slinks through the city streets upon nightfall. What good is a King who cannot even protect his family? When the knight falls, does the King abandon his pawns? Turn a cold shoulder to his Queen? Admit defeat?

In this case, the answer to that question would be yes. Wherever they are, they would not be proud of what I've become, but I've failed to keep what's most important to me safe. I've let everyone down. The mistakes are beyond my repair... So I'll leave it all behind.

I've chosen the words for they're headstones carefully. My personal atonement for not being there when Shindou needed someone. For forcing the blame on someone who never did anything but love Eiri with all his worth, day in and day out... Held onto him as if he were a lifeline.

Shindou's passing is a true testament to that. One quick glance at my watch has my throat tightening around a sob. I came here, one last time, to apologize to the both of them. Now... England awaits.

Goodbye, Eiri...

Goodbye, Shuichi...

May someone grant me the serenity to leave you both in my past, where you now belong.

* * *

Shuichi: Gah! That sucked! I hate doing Tohma! You can never tell what that man is thinking!

Yuki: -brow raise- Then why did you even write this chapter?

Shuichi:... Because!

Yuki:... Because...

Shuichi:... Yeah! I did Hiro, who was MY bestfried, so I HAD to do Tohma!

Yuki:-eye roll- Baka.

Shuichi: -grins- Alright. Two down, two to go! Next up? MY POV! Warning, song/death fic. Don't like? Don't read! XD Oh... And please review?


	3. He Owes Me a Favor

For Him: H Owes Me A Favor

Rating: K+ (o.O I know right? Not M rated? What's wrong with me!)

Pairing:ShuichixYuki

POV: Shuichi Shindou

Summary:

A/N: The song used in this chapter is 'Alone In This Bed' by Framing Hanley. I do not, nor will I ever own, Gravitation... Or its characters. That's okay though. I've got my own Yuki. ^.~ Warning. Have tissues on standby.

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One Week Ago:

The apartment is silent, dark. I haven't entered his study since the day it happened. I haven't touched anything. Everything will be left the way it was that morning I left for NG for the first time without telling you I loved you. Yes, I was angry and hurt. He promised me! Again, he lied. Once more I was pushed aside in lieu of another impending deadline.

Why did he always do that? He said one thing, and like an idiot, I fell for it every time. When the day came for him to fulfill his promise, something always managed to come up. Still, I didn't hate him. I understood he was busy, but it didn't lessen the sting of being lied to again.

We fought that morning. Nothing unusual or different from any other time we fought. If I had known it would be our last time. I would have said I was sorry. I wouldn't have walked out telling myself that everything would be okay. That things would get better one day. I couldn't have walked away without letting him know that I still loved him so much. That no matter what he did, or how bad he hurt me, I would always be there for him.

Laying on his side of the bed, my face buried in his pillow, drinking in the fading scent of my lover, I feel dead inside. My heart hurts, broken into so many pieces and I don't have the strength to put it together again. I'm beyond tears for the third day in a row.

_Waking up without you _

_It doesn't feel right _

_To sleep with only memories _

_It's harder every night _

_Sometimes I think I can feel you_

_ breathing on my neck_

When the police officers arrived at NG, I had no idea what to think. The last thing I expected to hear... Was that you were gone. You didn't return to your birth home, you didn't escape to New York. You'd gone somewhere I couldn't follow. I didn't even know yet, but I died with you that day.

As they offered their condolences for my loss, it was already too late. It wasn't shock. It wasn't denial. It was a thousand razor blades lacerating my heart, numbing me to every emotion, robbing me of every drop of happiness I'd ever felt.

The first four days were the most painful. A thousand eyes, downcast in my direction. A thousand arms reaching out to hold me, arms that were so cold in comparison to his embrace. Stop telling me how sorry you are! Sorry fixes nothing!

Sorry won't bring him back to me!

Sorry won't bring back the future we had together!

Sorry can't lessen my suffering...

Sorry... means I'm alone...

_Tonight I'm reaching out to the stars _

_I think that he owes me a favor _

_It doesn't matter where you are _

_I'll hold you again _

Oh, God... I can't do this. So much is missing of me now. I'm not even half the person I was when he was here. By day five I couldn't eat, couldn't speak, couldn't think. I can't move now. Not without the pain wrecking havoc with my soul. I can't stand it anymore. Locked behind these walls, I'm assaulted with memories.

Choking back a scream of agony, I leave my sanctuary. Just a short trip down the hall leads me to the bathroom. I take in my appearance in the vanity mirror. In the darkness, I look like a phantom. My eyes are weary, even though these past three days, I've lost myself in dreams of our time together. My form is gaunt and weak, looking ready to collapse. My hands shake with a certainty I'll feel only one more time.

Flipping on the soft light of the vanity, I wince as the brightness splits my head in two. I open the medicine cabinet, my eyes drift over the various items. The cough medicine he bought me two months ago when I got caught out in the rain and got sick... I can't help but smile at the memory. He was so attentive to me that week.

Next to it, an orange pill bottle with a white label and lid. He nerve medicine. The prescription had just been filled the day before-. My smile fades at the realization that they were going to go to waste. I take them down, reading the label carefully. I had no idea he took so many just to put up with the everyday stress of his life...

_I wish I could hear your voice _

_And don't leave me alone in the bed _

_I wish I could touch yo once more _

_And don't leave me alone in the bed _

_Not tonight, not tomorrow _

Closing the cabinet, I pop the lid off the bottle and pour the contents into the palm of my small hand. The small pile had to have counted at least sixty, give or take a few. They were small, round, white, an answer waiting for me in my trembling hand.

With determination I didn't really feel, I turn on the water at the sink and filled the glass to the brim with icy cold water. Taking a small sip to wet my dry mouth I nearly gasp. It felt so good, I had no idea I was so thirsty. But no food or drink could ever satisfy me the way you could. Everything was bland and tasteless.

Sighing, I threw back half the handful of medication, nearly gagging at the taste as they began to resolve on my tongue before I could wash them all down. Shuddering, I repeated the action once more until my palm was now empty. I finished the water and turned the glass upside down on the sink before making my way back to the bedroom.

_I've got the feeling _

_that this will never cease _

_Living in these pictures_

_it never comes with ease _

_I swear if I could make this right_

_you'd be home by now _

I feel lighter the moment my head hits his pillow again. His scent lingers here the most. At last, my tears fall. Hard and relentless, wracking my small, frail body with sobs. I grip the pillow, burying my face in it softness, and let it all out. My sobs soon turn to screams, my eyes shut tight to the world. I can almost see your face.

Will he forgive me for following him? The thought never occurred to me until now. How would he react if he were still alive and saw what I've become... it didn't matter. He wasn't. He couldn't come back to me, so I'm going to him. Even if he hates me for it.

My screams die down as my face goes numb, my trembling ceases and I lay completely relaxed as tears continue to trail down my reddened cheeks. My eyes feel heavy, my head no longer hurts, but no medicine could take away the anguish my heart is in.

_Tonight I'm screaming out to the stars _

_He knows he owes me a fovor _

_It doesn't matter where you are_

_You'll be mine again _

I jump as I feel a soft pressure on the small of my back, and I turn to find nothing but the darkness of the bedroom we shared for years. My eyes widen as I feel the gentlest caress against my warm cheek, sending a shiver through me. It felt so real I wasn't sure if I was still among the living or not anymore.

Resting my head on the pillow again, I stare blankly into space. I can see you sitting there on the edge of the bed, wiping away my tears, soothing me as you gaze down at me with those patient golden eyes, and I feel complete again.

My eyes flutter closed as the sensation of your phantom touch lulls me into a deep slumber, and I dream. Your presence is solidified here and I can feel your warmth as you hold me in your arms and kiss my forehead, whispering to me that everything was going to be okay now...

Once again, I believe you. I bury my face in your chest and breath deeply, waiting for the unfamiliar ache of death. I'm surprised that it never comes. All I feel is the comfort of your embrace, accepting and loving. Not even heaven could compare to this euphoria.

_I wish I could hear your voice _

_and don't leave me alone in the bed _

_I wish I could touch you once more _

_And don't leave me alone in this bed _

Everything that I'm leaving behind... All the people that will miss me... I can't bring myself to feel regret in these last few moments. Sure, they'll cry, point fingers at each other. But in the end, they'll understand.

This is where I belong. The peace I felt when he was alive, I now feel as I slip from this world to join him in death. The possibilities are endless now. We have forever now. And nothing can ever tear us apart again.

_What about the plans that we had _

_We'd be crazy not to go _

_Meet me capeside _

Bad Luck... Bad Luck was what I did... not who I was. Who I am, is Shuichi Shindou... Shuichi Uesugi. The devoted lover of Eiri Yuki. Son... Brother... Friend. The people you chose to keep around you define your life. Mine had been good. I'm satisfied that nothing has been left undone, or unsaid.

I can only hope this place I'm going to find Yuki is just as nice. A paradise made for the two of us to live out the rest of our days. I can't wait to... sing for him again. I..I want to... thrown myself into his arms... Laughing... Hold him as I cry tears of... joy.. for the first time in... seven days...

I wish I could hear your voice

and don't leave me alone in this bed

I wish I cold touch you once more

and don't leave me alone in this bed

My breath hitches in my sleep, my final heartbeat I hear clearly, shattering my dreamworld and throwing me into darkness. The hand I feel in my own this time is very real, and I turn my tear stained face upwards, my eyes locking on gold and I smile. It didn't take long, and it didn't hurt. Even if it had, the sound of his voice welcoming me back into his arms made it all worth it...

Don't leave me alone

don't leave me alone

Don't leave me alone in this bed

Don't leave me alone

don't leave me alone

Don't leave me alone in this bed

For him, I'd walk through the flames of hell barefoot. I'd throw everything away just to hear him tell me he loved me. To be able to look him in the eyes and say I'm sorry... Never before had I ever felt so quite at home, and the happiness I felt as he wrapped his me in his arms and kissed me so sweetly, stole my final breath...

OWARI

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Shuichi: Okay. I know I said there was going to be another chapter. But I think I'm going to leave it at that.

Yuki:...

Shuichi:-blinks- Are you okay, Yuki?

Yuki: Fine...

Shuichi: Uh huh...-grins- Well, if you liked, review! If you didn't like? Review! XD


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